we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
