My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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