I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
