:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
