I wish my penis had an off switch
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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