i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
