so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
worst night to have a conscience
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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