shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
