mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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