Pants 0. Shit 1.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
