the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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