so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
