Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Couch. On fire.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
