one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize