I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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