you have to choose: penises or morals?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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