I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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