Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize