Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
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