my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
