she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
