Who did Billy Mays play for?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
