I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
