I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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