Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
