my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Rumble strips road head = magical
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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