I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ok first of all what the fuck
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
