she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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