mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
