I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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