I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
