Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
