Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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