His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How's work?
Spinning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
