Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.

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(562): View more from California

I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff

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(317): View more from Indiana

If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.

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(206): View more from Washington

Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???

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(816): View more from Missouri

Don't get into any trouble on your trip

(314): View more from Missouri

The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds

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