How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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