She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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