the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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