woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I believe in your delicious
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize