so that wasnt chicken after all
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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