don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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