Pants 0. Shit 1.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
