all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
