Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My pussy is not your playground.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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