Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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