My liver just broke up with me...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
