do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
