The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it's like iHOP with fire
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
