good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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