Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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