No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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