Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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