absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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