I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
