He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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