You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
