At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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