It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
