In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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