I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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