I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
