my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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