Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
