Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
