i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Boobs speak an international language.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
