I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
