Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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