i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
