I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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