i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How naked do you want me to be?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
