if only i could text you this smell
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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