ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
