May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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