Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
