I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When are your genitals available?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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