so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Randomize
