How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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